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A Reddit user who was accused of “brainwashing” her sister’s children by explaining why she opted against having kids did nothing wrong, a family therapist told Fox News Digital.
“AITA for telling my sister’s kids the truth about why I never had children?” asked user “PutSpecial8915” in an Aug. 24 post on the “Am I the A–hole” subreddit.
In the post, the woman said she’s 36 and has a younger sister with three kids, ages seven, five, and three.
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“I’m childfree by choice, which has always been a point of contention in my family,” she wrote. “My sister especially has been very vocal about her belief that ‘a woman’s purpose is to be a mother’ and how I’m ‘missing out on the best part of life,’” she said.
In the past, the woman said she’s ignored these comments “to keep the peace,” but recently, her sister’s oldest child apparently asked her again why she’d chosen not to have kids.
“I tried to give a vague, polite answer, but they kept pressing, saying their mom told them that I would change my mind one day because ‘everyone does,’” said PutSpecial8915.
“At this point, I decided it was time for the truth,” she said — and revealed to her sister’s children that she “value[d] my freedom, career and personal time.”
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“I explained that while some people love being parents, others find happiness in different ways, and that it’s OK not to have kids if that’s what makes you happy,” she said.
“I also added that everyone’s life choices are valid as long as they’re happy and fulfilled.”
This, however, did not go over well with her sister — who overheard part of their conversation.
The sister “blew up at me, accusing me of trying to ‘brainwash’ her kids and undermine her parenting,” the woman wrote.
“She said that I was selfish for planting ‘doubt’ in her children’s minds about the importance of family. She even accused me of ‘glamorizing’ a lifestyle that she feels is empty and meaningless,” said the woman in her post.
Later, PutSpecial8915’s parents called — and they sided with her sister’s anger over her conversation with her children, the woman shared in her post.
“They said I should’ve just ‘humored’ the kids or deflected the question, and that I owed my sister an apology for causing unnecessary drama,” she said.
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Yet, “I don’t think I did anything wrong,” said PutSpecial8915. “I was honest, respectful and gave a balanced perspective. I’m tired of being made to feel like my choices are lesser or need to be hidden just to avoid conflict.”
She added, “I believe it’s important for kids to know that there are different paths in life, and not all of them involve having children.”
The writer then asked others, “AITA for being honest with my niece and nephews about why I chose not to have kids, even if it caused a family rift?”
Fox News Digital reached out to the Reddit writer for comment and updates.
A therapist told Fox News Digital that she believed PutSpecial8915 did nothing wrong – as long as the situation unfolded as she described.
“She was asked a question and responded truthfully,” Rachel Goldberg, LMFT, founder of Rachel Goldberg Therapy in Los Angeles, told Fox News Digital via email.
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Goldberg also said, “Just because her family didn’t like the answer doesn’t mean it was inappropriate.”
But, in the future, “she might consider giving a shorter response like, ‘I’m not interested in kids right now,’ to keep the peace,” she said.
“Ultimately, she has every right to be honest,” said Goldberg.
“If her sister and the rest of the family don’t like it, they can choose not to ask that question or be around her.”
Reddit users largely agreed with Goldberg’s sentiment. In the more than 300 responses to her post, the majority said the woman was “not the a–hole” in this situation.
“NTA. Your sister has been undermining you to her kids for years in a very passive-aggressive way. Because of this, this question was bound to come up sometime,” wrote another Reddit user in the top reply.
The user said that PutSpecial8915 opted not to be passive-aggressive in return, and “approached the subject head on.”
The same person wrote, “And your sister couldn’t take it because she is afraid that if her kids are exposed to other points of view, they will develop opinions of their own.”
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Another user pointed out that there was not much that the woman could do in this situation.
“What lie was [she] supposed to tell to maintain her sister’s beliefs?” asked user Ok-Cat-4975.
